She Will Survive!

So one of the reasons that we chose this year to go on sabbatical was because Renee will have her Bat Mitzvah when she is 13, the year we return.  I wrongly assumed that we would also miss the "scene" down here.  How wrong I was.  It turns out that the social scene for 6th (and 7th) graders completely evolves around Bar and Bat Mitzvahs (girls at 12 years old and boys at 13 years old) .  The younger kids spend Saturday afternoons at their youth groups and the 6th and 7th grade girls spend them getting "prepped" for these events.

I spoke to Renee's teacher and the head of the primary school about how important it really is for her to attend these functions.  They both agreed that it would be the best way for her to be integrated into the class.  Because it is a relatively small school and because these kids are together for probably 16 years (including pre-K and K) they really become an extended family and this is one of those family events that you grin and bear.  My parents also reminded me what an awkward 13 year old I was at these parties and that somehow I survived.

That said, I suggested that Renee try just to go to the ones of kids in her class, not grade, for a start unless she personally knows somebody in the other class.  There are 25 kids in her class (vs about 80 in the grade) so hopefully they won't happen that often.  So last night was a Bar Mitzvah of a kid in her class who happens to live in the building across the street.  I think that he repeated a grade so that he was the first 13 year old (age of a Bar Mitzvah) in the group.  I bravely asked if it was OK for me to attend as well for moral support and the Mom was extremely welcoming.  What I didn't realize was that I was going to see two other Moms there that I have met through a pilates class at the Estadio that would be my morale support!

This one was held at a much smaller synagogue with much less pomp and it looked like only the invitees attend the service.  The girls were all dressed in very fancy dresses and the boys worn jeans, sneakers, and sweatshirts or t-shirts (this seems to be a theme).  Renee chose to wear her own outfit of a tunic and leggings.  She was complemented on her "dress."  I guess that a tunic that just covers your tush can count as a dress here!  I think she looked beautiful and a lot more appropriate than the other girls!!

 Many of the Bar/t Mitzvahs are held on Saturday afternoon here vs. Saturday morning in the States.  I have figured out at least a few reasons.  Traditionally, the main service that people attend is on Friday nights so you probably wouldn't get enough people on a Saturday morning.  The reading from the Torah that the kid has to do is much shorter in the afternoon, there is no haftorah, and there is much less service both to lead and to learn.  It is much shorter - probably closer to 1.5 hours with all of the Bar Mitzvah family stuff compared to 2.5 hrs or longer in the morning.  Finally, they end with Havdalah (a really nice set of prayers/songs to finish Shabbat and start the new week) and all of the kids and family get all cozy before the party starts.

So I had planned to go to the service with Renee and then read my Kindle in the hall until she was ready to leave.  The Mom really encouraged me to stay (there were only 70 people total there which was manageable).  They started off with a hora and lifting the family members in chairs - if I had closed my eyes I could have been anywhere.  It was on a much smaller and less extravagant scale from the one Renee attended last weekend.   The rest of the time (besides hors d'oeuvres, a slide show, and food) it was basically a dance party with a mix of American "classics" and Chilean dance songs. As would be expected at this age, mostly the girls danced (bounced around) together and the boys jumped on top of each other and wrestled.  From the point of view of a 44 year old Mom it was hilarious, from an 11.5 year old girl it must have been overwhelming.  To her credit, Renee danced with the girls at times, joined them in the bathroom to do whatever they do, hung out with me AND when they realized that she knew the basic dance steps to the "Cha Cha Slide" they started to follow her.  It was a moment of triumph and absolute embarrassment but she survived.  I have since looked at a youtube video to remember what the Charlie Brown is!

Meanwhile, I hung out with two Moms one who is Israeli and one who's Hebrew is better than her English so we spoke Hebrew together.  The Israeli has lived here for 1.5 years so she had some great insights.  We were all placed at a table with the two Nanas.  I thought that was interesting in itself - I guess if the Nanas have raised your children they should be invited to this big event.  They seemed pretty comfortable.  The women, Fanny and Dorit, also introduced me to the Chilean drink the Pisco Sour.  I had had a few when I was here 14.5 years ago with my friend Ellen but I don't remember quite the same headache that I have today after having just one!  I danced, chatted, and was a "fly on the wall" watching the 6th grade scene.  In the anthem of my Bar/Bat Mitzvah days "She will survive!"